oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
