Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
