Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
