# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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