He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
