My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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