On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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