Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
