I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
