You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
