a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
