ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
