Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
