sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
