I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
