I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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