i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
