Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you bring me the toilet please
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
