I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
