It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
