listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
FUCK WHALES
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
