You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
