i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
