Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
