I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
