Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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