I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
