Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
