Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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