dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
