Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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