Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
