did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
