Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And then he peed in my hair
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