Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
