Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
