exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
