I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
