Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
