Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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