i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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