just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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