I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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