About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was confusing and full of hummus
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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