you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
