I'm gonna have a badass scar
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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