the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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