that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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