I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
