Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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