Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
