i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
